If I Ruled the Geekiverse…

Geeks seem to always feel that they “know” the geek business, and of course, I’m no exception to that rule. Here are 10 changes that I’d make if I were in charge of the Geek Universe. (For the record, unrelated amusing BTTF meme is unrelated)

1. George Lucas realizes that he is out of touch with his fan base before the prequels are released, and asks Kevin Smith to direct them instead. He sticks around as a consultant, but gives Smith the power to veto his suggestions. He never even considered a 4th Indiana Jones.

2. The Wachowski brothers realize that The Matrix is really best as a stand-alone film, and instead of making sequels for it, they make two other unrelated dystopian films.

3. Star Trek TNG leads directly into Star Trek Voyager. Star Trek Deep Space 9 is not released until the advent of DVR/Netflix streaming, when it’s easier to appreciate the massive overarching storylines.

4. The writers of the X-files realize the show really is nothing without the dynamic of Gillian Anderson versus David Duchovny, and they end the series when he decides to work on other projects. The 2nd movie is never made.

5. Transformers 2 and 3 are never made. Tron 2 is never made.

6. Spiderman 3 is never made. I can’t say I’ve ever made it to the end of that film, every time I watch it, I get so fricking annoyed that I want to kill Whinerman… I mean Spiderman.

7. That horrible Airbender film never happens. Uhg.

8. Max Payne film never happened. I had such high hopes, and as with (nearly) any film student, I love film noir. The games weren’t half bad either. Wahlberg was slammed for his acting, but really, in the game Max looked permanently constipated, so he seemed more or less in character.

9. Basically any film adaptations from the following franchises: Super Mario Brothers, any 80s cartoon, Dune, Doom, Dead or Alive (2 movies?! Really?!). Honestly, no video game movies at all. They have a horrible rate of success.

10. Firefly still gets cancelled, but after a few years they realize there’s tremendous fan demand and they renew it. Without Wash dead. I think it should still get cancelled in the first place because I don’t think fans really appreciated it until it was gone.

Quick Blurb: The Sound of Typing

My friend Sarah has been having laptop troubles recently, and she messaged me these song lyrics today to celebrate its repair:

Hello laptop my old friend; I’ve come to write with you again.
Because a virus softly creeping left its seeds whilst I was sleeping.
Hopefully that virus that was planted no longer remains
Now there’s the sound… of typing.

Sarah is pretty cool, you should check out her singing here. She wrote and sung that song! I am envious.

Tutorial: Photoshopping Bajoran Noses

As some of you may know, I participate in an online roleplaying game that is based in the Star Trek canon, called USS Talon. As we are required to have images for our characters, and because I choose to make signatures for many of them, I’ve gotten somewhat passable at making people look like Star Trek characters.

Here are a few of the one’s I’ve done:

The source image is this one, so as you can see a lot of work needed to be done.

The source image is here. It still needs a lot of work, but I’m lazy.

Anyhow, I get asked with some frequency how to make these sorts of images, so I figured I’d make a tutorial starting with something simple – Bajoran noses. Not sure if there’s much interest, but this is without a doubt pretty geeky, so we’ll see how it goes! I’m not an expert in the least, but I think it’s a pretty decent end result.

Click the jump below to see how Mila Kunis looks transformed into a Bajoran.

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My Favorite Geek Blogs

The more I look into being a successful writer and a successful blogger, the more I appreciate those people who already do it. It doesn’t seem to be an easy feat by any means, and I know how difficult it is to force yourself to put out new content to meet deadlines. Hell, I try to commit to updating my blog three times a week, and when does THAT ever happen? I’ve read more and more blogs lately, and trying to read some indie/self published authors as well. So far, I’ve come across some real great stuff, and I figure that I should share it! This is one of the reasons that I have CommentLuv set up on my blog – so commenters can promote whatever it is that they’ve been up to because I always want to see more :-) I have to admit that I really love indie authors because most of them are very receptive to communicating with their fans. Bernard Schaffer actually tweeted my review of his book today, and that’s super awesome. If I ever get published, I’m going to endeavor to be so gracious as well.

I feel like I am constantly telling friends of mine about the various blogs that I enjoy, and I figured today I would get a nice long list of my favorites. I’m going to skip all the makeup and nail polish blogs because they’re really not “geeky.” For once, I will be focused! One thing that I really recommend is using Google Reader to make it easier to read all your favorites in one place. This link explains a lot of the ways to follow a blog, and this link has specific instructions for a site that has Feedburner enabled (like my blog, and a ton of others).

Anyhow, without further ado, click the jump below to see my favorites!

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Confessions of a Geek

This was something that I was planning on writing at some point, but since it’s Geek Pride Day, I figured I would do it now. One of the constant pressures in my early geek life was proving that I was geeky enough. I think that sometimes it’s hard to convince people that you really are interested in Sci Fi and Dragons and Roleplaying and such. I was always afraid that if I said I didn’t like something that was “stereotypically geek” that people would think I was faking it. I have to admit that there are certain huge gaps in my geek knowledge. I decided to share some of them with you all today.

1. I never beat Portal and likely never will. I refuse to harm my beloved Weighted Companion Cube merely to progress. I am still obsessive about the game, it’s lore, any crafts and merchandise surrounding it, etc.

2. I saw the entirety of Firefly only one time. I have tried to watch it a few more times as I realize there’s references I forget nowadays, but every time I start watching it, I remember how much I love it, and don’t want to have the disappointment of it ending.

3. I have never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is probably pretty criminal given the fact that I adore Joss Whedon.

4. I’ve never seen Battlestar Galactica (new or old). I’ve only seen scattered episodes of Babylon 5. Too many Sci Fi shows to watch, too little time.

5. I’ve never seen the last season of Voyager, or most of the last season of Deep Space 9. They were such staples of my childhood that I guess I prefer it in my mind if they never ended (I guess it’s becoming clear that I’m a bit sentimental in my geekery). I HAVE seen all of TNG, and I love All Good Things. Then again, I knew I was going to end up with at least one movie, so perhaps that made it easier.

6. On a similar vein, I’ve never seen the last season of X-files. I prefer to remember it as not sucky.

7. I have seen the first 2 seasons of Doctor Who (the new incarnation), and was quickly drawn into it. I really, really don’t want to see David Tennant die though. I will probably finish this as Matt Smith seems to be a great Doctor too.

I probably have more that I can’t think of at the moment…

I’d be curious to know what your geek confessions are?

Review: The Guns of Seneca 6

I’ve added to my list of general “goals” (that are likely things I will never achieve) – read one book a week. As someone who possesses a Kindle, and who wastes a rather considerable amount of time randomly web surfing, that should be rather simple, right? And if I’m feeling extra snazzy, I’ll write a review of what I’ve read! I’ve started off this shiny new “goal” with a review of The Guns of Seneca 6, by Bernard Schaffer.

First, a minor gripe, which is more about the advertising and marketing of the book than the book itself. If you mash up wild west and Sci Fi, you do not automatically become “like Firefly.” Nor do you join the Steampunk genre – Steampunk is more High-tech Victorian than High Tech Wild West. I think in using these terms, people are set up for potential disappointment. I do think it’s a good book, and one that’s worth reading, but I would not use either of those terms to describe it.

But enough quibbling. Let’s break it down to the good, the bad, and the ugly.

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10 Things I Hate About Diablo

Since I’ve finally beat Normal mode in Diablo III, it seemed like a good time to write a blog post about it. I may at some point in the future write a “10 Things I Love About Diablo,” but I wouldn’t hold your breath. Here’s y list of grips – some serious, some more silly. This is relatively spoiler free.

10. Item Quality is Inconsistent: Even among items of the same required level, I frequently encounter blues that are better than yellow. I understand that this is due to the fact that itemization is almost 100% RNG, but I can’t tell you the number of completely pointless items that I’ve gotten. Perhaps an “If, Then” system would have made a bit more sense, where there were basic rules in the system like, “If an item has a ton of Intellect on it, then it probably shouldn’t have a ton of Strength on it too.” And let’s not even discuss the items that are just “Socketed Whatever,” which have no stats, but one socket. Chances are if you’re far enough along in the game to have gems to socket, these would be more aptly called “Salvage Whatevers” because that’s all you’re going to do with it.

9. Entire storyline is extremely predictable: Obviously people don’t really play Diablo for the storyline. But Blizzard has managed to come up with some interesting stories in their other games. There were also fascinating tidbits in the earlier Diablo games, such as references to people like Vlad the Impaler, and Elizabeth Bathory, who was said to bathe in the blood of virgins. But unfortunately, the story in Diablo is pretty lackluster, and I don’t even pay attention to half of the little tidbits that I come across. As for the main plot line, all of the major twists are rather heavy-handedly hinted at, and when they finally happen it’s more of an eye roller than anything else.

8. Diablo has boobs: Diablo’s model is kind of awkward. As you can see from the concept art below, there’s supposed to be a sort of “armor” part that comes down from Diablo’s shoulders to his pecs.

Unfortunately, in the game it just strongly resembles a set of boobs.

7. Can’t navigate with the full map up: In the first 2 Diablo games, you could actually keep the map overlay up while you’re running around. Not the case in Diablo 3. This makes it difficult for people with no sense of direction (like me) to navigate.

6. “Move” function not bound by default: This is another head-scratching change from the other games. You used to be able to Alt+Click someplace if you wanted to move without attacking. This was good in instances where you were swarmed and were trying to get out of fire/poison/ooze/whatever. This function is not bound by default in Diablo III, and is just called “Move” in the keybinds section. That took me forever to figure out.

5. No way to not pick up grey/white items: Diablo has always involved a lot of spastic clicking. It has also frequently been about trying to fit as much crap as humanly possible into your inventory. The problem is that there’s no way to say, “Hey, stop picking up that crap accidentally while I’m trying to stab the spider standing on top of it.” The result is that I constantly have to drop a bunch of stuff to pick up things I actually want.

4. “That Player is Offline”: I figured that since the chat in Diablo III is basically just Battle Net chat that there would not be any real issues with it. That’s not the case. Nearly every 3rd or 4th message I try to send gives me a “That Player is Offline” error. It definitely detracts from the intended purpose of keeping friends connected.

3. Leveling multiple characters is inconvenient: I was really interested in playing a few different character classes. The problem is, Normal mode is almost painfully easy for the most part. There are a few packs of trash that are particularly inconvenient, and a frustrating boss or two (especially if you play melee). If you beat the game with one character and want to start another and play Nightmare difficulty (that’s the 2nd easiest), you have to start Normal mode and play it until level 25 to begin Nightmare mode. The minimum levels for Hell and Inferno modes are 50 and 60 respectively, so if you want a real challenge with a 2nd/3rd character, you have to play the same story over again and again. To complete all modes with all classes, that’s 20 repetitions of the same. damn. crappy. plot. It’d be nice if there was a way to just start your 2nd character at level 25, or to have them gain double experience, or something like that.

2. Lag, rubberbanding, servers down, error 37: I have primarily played Diablo III as a single player game. I know a lot of other people who’ve done the same. So it’s kind of disappointing when we can’t play a single player game because of server issues. Honestly, it would have been nice if the game had a “single player only” option where characters could not be played in a multiplayer setting, so it wouldn’t be necessary to be online. I know the big worry is of people modifying character data to be overpowered, but there are many, many better ways to handle that then forcing all players to be online. Needless to say, this error:

Error 37 - Diablo Artisans

Has spurned a ton of memes:

Error 37 Meme - Halolz.com

If you haven’t gotten your fill of Error 37 Memes, there are a large number of them here.

1. Demons with nipple rings: The entire cut scene between Acts 2 and 3 was ruined for me, because of one thing: Azmodan’s nipple rings.

Cannot. Be. Unseen.

So, what are everyone else’s gripes? Of course, I’m not saying I dislike the game, as I have played it quite a bit. Still… room for improvement.

Ruminating on the Next Trek Villain

There’s been a hell of a lot of speculation recently regarding just what villain Benedict Cumberbatch is going to play in the upcoming 2013 Star Trek film. And while the initial rumors were that he would play a young Khan, recent comments have caused the Trek fandom to consider other alternatives for the villain. Based on some of the stills that have been released from the set, and some of the things that the production crew have said, we know a few things, most notably that he is not playing an alien (or if it is an alien, it’s one that is human in external appearance).

Another Genetically Altered Human: Khan isn’t the only genetically engineered human out there, and it’s quite likely that there were augmented humans in Starfleet in this alternate timeline. It would be interesting to see a different story based on a similar vein.

Evidence to support this claim: Cumberbatch was rumored to have put on a good bit of muscle for this role, and genetically altered humans are said to be stronger than humans. This is something that we see evidence of in the leaked stills, as he holds his own against Spock:

Location Shot - TrekMovie.com

The psychological issues that result from the augmentation process make for interesting, brooding sort of villain, and numerous members of the Star Trek production have stated that Heath Ledger as The Joker in “The Dark Knight” was what inspired their latest villain. It would be interesting to see how others fared under the same sort of conditions. There’s also room for the argument that Cumberbatch IS

Hesitations: I’ll repeat something that was said in the original article that cast doubt on Khan – “There are a lot of directions we can go in the film and in this particular case we chose to do something that would be original and unique and different and again on paper I think we made the right choice.” Unique… different… after Khan, I don’t think that a genetically engineered human could be that unique. It would be a huge cop-out and would likely disappoint fans. Also, there’s been no evidence thus far to suggest that a genetically altered human can resist a Vulcan neck pinch, something I’ll get to in a moment.

Gary Mitchell: Gary Mitchell was from a family with known esper capabilities. He himself displayed rather impressive numbers on various tests of esper abilities, and could even participate in telepathic discussions with some telepathic species.

Evidence to support this claim: The scenes that have been leaked of Benedict Cumberbatch as the villain show him in an outfit that is very similar to the outfit worn by the other crew pictured. It has been speculated that this is either a uniform variant, or perhaps the Academy instructor uniform without the top “tunic” part.

The original casting choice for this villain was Benecio Del Toro, which is quite interesting given the fact that he is quite a bit older than Benedict Cumberbatch. Still, both bear a passing resemblance to Gary Mitchell:

Gary Mitchell was friends with Kirk in the Academy, so running this plot-line or a variant thereof would allow us to see a bit of emotional depth out of Kirk. In the TOS episode that featured Mitchell, he developed extraordinary powers, which could have included the ability to “shrug off” a Vulcan neck pinch:

Neck Pinch - TrekMovie.com

The photographer that captured this image indicated that Cumberbatch continued fighting after this, which is why fans speculate that whoever the villain is can resist a neck pinch. It’s possible that the galactic barrier might also have increased his physical strength, or that he could psionically enhance his own strength.

Hesitations: Gary Mitchell was a one-shot character. It would come as a surprise to me if they chose a character who was only involved in one episode of the Original Series as a 2013 Movie villain.

Q: My initial vote was actually for Trelane once fans began considering someone other than Khan. But I think Trelane wouldn’t be caught dead in the outfit Cumberbatch was wearing, so for now I’ll list my thought as a “weak Q.” At first I was thinking perhaps a young Q, but neither a young Q (nor Trelane, for that matter) would have the sort of brooding insanity that was embodied by Heath Ledger’s Joker. It would have to be a Q that wasn’t fully in control of himself though, else Spock wouldn’t be able to get him down on his knees at all.

Evidence to support this claim: Q can resist Vulcan neck pinches, and are stronger than human average. Q are a species that fans have often wanted to learn more about, and while John de Lancie’s Q seemed to harbor affection for the human race, a brooding, conflicted Q would be a fascinating thing to see. Also, they have a penchant for running around in Starfleet uniforms.

Hesitations: As awesome as I think that a Q as a villain would be, the production staff has indicated that this will be a very action packed film, just like the first. Q plotlines typically involve more talking than things that go boom.

Augment Klingon: Ever since Enterprise explained the decades old debate about what was really up with TOS Klingons, the explanation has been a subject of controversy with many fans. Still, perhaps this will help to breach the gap a bit.

Evidence to support this claim: As I’ve mentioned, Cumberbatch was seen in a Starfleet variant uniform. It would be interesting if part of the “augment lore” involved Klingons disguising themselves as humans to infiltrate Starfleet. It’s a new twist on an old classic (Romulans, Changelings and others have infiltrated Starfleet prior, after all). Also, he’s stronger than the average human. Yes, this isn’t really “evidence” just something that would be quite interesting. Rumor has is that Klingons will be featured in the new film, although I was at a loss to find a good source for this information. Part of the shoot took place in Hawaii, and we know that there is a scene that involves a volcano because of this still:

Spock in Volcano Suit - TrekMovie.com

There has been discussion on various forums that the scenes shot in Hawaii were meant to represent Qo’noS, and there are some rather inhospitable volcanoes there.

Hesitations: There’s been no evidence to support a genetically augmented Klingon being able to resist a Vulcan neck pinch. Most of the evidence is based on hearsay and speculation.

Other thoughts that I had involved something like Section 31, as the whole espionage angle would be interesting, and it would certainly explain why he’s in a Starfleet uniform. Section 31 seems to be hotly debated by fans, though, as some feel that it’s not in line with the mission of Starfleet. Someone from the Mirror World was another concept that I saw referenced by a few fans online (especially because of the 2 other variant uniforms that have leaked online) but it makes little sense to me. If it was really the Mirror World, evil Kirk or someone would be the antagonist. In the past, the intrigue of the Mirror World was that you saw “good guys” do bad things. Beyond that… this universe is already an alternate universe.

It’s going to be interesting in a few months when we first start getting the hints of the new teaser trailers. Perhaps Cumberbatch is playing Khan, and they’re going to make him drastically different than the Khan we’ve all known and loved. Either way, I’ve got my fingers crossed, and am chanting a mantra of “Please don’t suck.”

I Give In, I Made a Tumblr

I finally did it.

I finally bit the bullet and made a Tumblr page. In fairness, I made a personal one some time ago, and every once in a blue moon I post something there for my legions of fans… ok, fine, the 4 people that follow me there. It’s just not really that appealing to me. I’m more verbose than the average Tumblr user, and I am kind of sick and tired of picking up new platforms, trying to find people to follow, talking to myself while I wait for others to follow me back… meh.

But I think the platform is a very good way for me to share one thing – pictures of my dogs. Because of that, I have set up a Tumblr for them at http://www.150percentcorgi.com. It’s a good way for people who care about my dogs to see what’s been happening without me having to spam my blog with Corgi pics all the time. I will probably still post some things, as Corgis are pretty geektacular, but it won’t be a common occurrence.

If you want to follow me at my personal Tumblr, you can find it at http://postmoderngeek.tumblr.com.

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